AN INTRODUCTION TO NARCISSISM (NPD)
Narcissism is a self-centered personality disorder characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.
The Narcissist suffers from NPD (Narcissistic Personality disorder), one of the most severe personality disorders that represents BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). BPD was previously labeled Schizophrenia, a dissociative condition. It is a secondary defense mechanism against fragmenting one’s self-concept and the concept of others, and the struggle between the idealist and persecutory experience.
The Narcissist constructs a pathological grandiose self that is constituted by a combination of ideal aspects of the self and a perfect aspect of others that are incorporated as if one possesses them, and ideal aspirations as if one had achieved them. Simultaneously, denying one’s need for others devalues them and the attachment that binds them. It is a perfect world of grandiosity and self-sufficiency, while the rest of their world is constituted of depreciated and worthless persons.
They incorporate everything they consider great and admire in others, and whatever provides them with pomp and security, undividedly into their personality, just to appear superior to others around them. On the surface, they demonstrate self-satisfaction and fulfillment, grandiosity, concern with themselves, and a tremendous need for admiration. There is an abnormal love of the self and an incapacity to love others, without any reciprocity in a relationship. An internal ego-centric emptiness.
In the treatment, grandiosity is a major issue. They have to constantly demonstrate their superiority to their therapist and his unimportance. If the therapist becomes important to them, then he becomes superior to them which would make them feel inferior, trivialized, and humiliated. It is a long-term struggle for superiority without the capacity for any dependency. If the NPD has to be projected and resolved, the underlying problem of the severe split between the idealized and actual liaison comes to the fore.
The underlying prominence of the Narcissist is a complex defense structure. It is a defense against BPD.
NPD is caused by childhood trauma, genetics, or environmental factors. It starts at an early age as a minor deviation. With growth and development, it funnels out and develops. It starts as a fundamental “healthy” Narcissism and progressively intensifies through experiences, reinforcing itself through relationship-building. As narcissistic defenses proliferate, the false self grows big and bold to protect the true self at all costs, becoming the healing balm. It is for parents to observe and recognize the early semblance of importance, greatness, and false identity.
But when the child is the apple of the parent’s eye, this narcissism dangerously develops into Malignant Narcissism. These markers of recognition become a fusion of the false self with the true self. The difference between the grandiose self and the weak, little, insecure self contributes to the Malignant type, and such patients become untreatable. Challenging or identifying their delusions evokes anger, rage, and retribution.
Narcissism is dangerous in all its forms. Such persons are overbearing in their control mechanisms, confrontational over ill-perceived offenses, quick to attack misperceived threats, and create the most devious justifications.
Hell has no fury like a Narcissist’s scorn!
Narcissistic signs:
§ Drawing attention to oneself.
§ An unjustified high sense of self.
§ Requiring constant praise and admiration.
§ Demanding particular privileges or special treatment.
§ Seeking recognition in the absence of tangible achievement.
§ Exaggerating achievements and talents.
§ A grounded sense of entitlement lies at the core of NPD.
§ Exploitation/manipulation of others, free of guilt or shame.
The 5 main types of Narcissism are:
1. The Overt, or Grandiose.
2. The Covert, or Vulnerable.
3. The Neurotic, is associated with fragile self-esteem and a tendency to experience negative emotions.
4. The Intellectuals believe themselves to be exceptionally intelligent and go to great lengths to demonstrate that, at the cost of diminishing others.
5. The Malignant is the most toxic and aversive type. This form takes the grandiose narcissist and adds a more exploitative, antagonistic, and, at times, psychopathic overlay. It is the most Machiavellian and dangerous, with a twist of vindication.
If you are in contact with someone who has NPD, keep in mind the following:
§ NPDs never change. They may improve with adequate therapy.
§ Do not ignore the warning signs.
§ Do not take things personally.
§ Remain calm or find an excuse to walk away.
§ If they get aggressive or retaliatory, set your boundaries clearly, and change your approach.
§ Clarify the repercussions in advance, and what they are set to lose.
§ Take measures to protect your mental and physical well-being.
Are they capable of loving, or falling in love?
They can be passionately in love. But it is superficial and fleeting, despite intense emotional attachment. Yet, they maintain a lack of empathy for the object of their affection. It is not a selfless and committed love. They cannot maintain a deep connection. Serial cheating, having multiple partners, and emotional cruelty and sabotage, are all narcissistic patterns to be aware of.
Do they get jealous?
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of narcissism. Anyone or anything that steals the limelight away from them makes them extremely jealous.
Do they apologize when they are wrong?
They can never admit to being wrong. They reverse the blame or shift it to a 3rd party. If they apologize, it is insincere, usually accompanied by excuses or justifications. If they make promises to change, it is temporary to appease their situation.
Do they have regrets?
Not for hurting or offending someone else, but for losing a useful “possession” they value. Persons are viewed for their utility or the status they offer.
Do they ever cry?
Everyone breaks down and cries at a certain point. Their emotions have no roots in empathy for others. They feel sorry for themselves and what they have lost — not who they have lost.
Do they forgive a friend or a loved one?
They find it very difficult to forgive, even for perceived transgressions, however minor. If they choose to overlook them, they never forget and are more likely to weaponize them.
Is there any cure?
There is no cure. Therapy may help and it is an arduous procedure of talk therapy. The goal is to build up the person’s self-esteem slowly, over a long period of time. This requires empathy and patience.
My mother always found fault in everything I did. I was never perfect enough to meet her standards. My younger brother, the apple of her eye, was exemplary, despite all his vices and offenses. I was persistently shamed and mocked by both.
As I am a people-centered person, I was appreciated outside the family. When that made them livid, I knew something was wrong somewhere. But where? Thank God for the internet! I started my research.
I discovered that they were both inadequate, suffering from Malignant Narcissism, and the worst of the 5 types of NPD. What a relief to identify “my” problem. I am now free and happy, with a renewed lease on life!
This is the 1st in a series of articles on this subject to enlighten anyone who may unknowingly be a victim of such oppression and repression.
Sammy RNAJ
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