CULTURE & CORDIALITY
Never underestimate the power of cordiality. I can confidently inform you that cordiality has nothing to do with being obliging or excessively polite, if you’ve heard the saying, “To please is a disease”. Cordiality implies courtesy with friendliness and a smile. Just being friendly, and kind, without smothering or pretense which is immediately perceptible in little ways.
I am now 68. I retain two impactful statements from my youth that may have influenced my general attitude towards people — although I admit that I did receive certain criticisms as well. But I’ll get to that later in my article.
The first was through my paternal uncle who once declared in a huge crowd, “I am always delighted to see my nephew, and do you know why? Because he is always smiling, regardless of the situation.”
The second was by a surprise military task force on a house-to-house search in Africa. By the time they got to our house, we least expected them and it was well in the early hours of the morning. They did not ring a bell, they jumped over the fence like a group of armed robbers, fully armed and pointing their guns, ready to shoot. Everyone home was still asleep. I jumped out of bed and went out to receive them while everybody gradually woke up. One of them, staring at me told my dad, “Your son has a face that will save him from any trouble in his life”. I was surprised at being targeted and then wondering with what authority could he make a declaration over my life. But since it was positive, I accepted it.
Perhaps, it settled in my subconscious at 22 and governed my disposition towards even the most hostile people I met throughout my life. With a spice of patience and diplomacy, I overcame their hostility and relentlessly obtained whatever I was after successfully.
It just crossed my mind recently and I decided to transmit my experience. Back to the criticisms I received. Although I believe it is more related to culture, I equally acknowledge it was good advice, because I have recently experienced the impact.
When I was in Brazil, my Brazilian friends reproached me for being too friendly with everyone. I tried explaining to them that I was only reciprocating the friendliness and it made me feel good because I am a people person. They insisted that I had to draw the line between polite courtesy and friendliness in their environment because folks of lesser privilege would seize the opportunity of taking advantage and may become too intrusive. Perhaps inadvertently, I was also courteous in rebuffing them when they did encroach into my boundaries and I never noticed they did. I did not have any unpleasant experiences after those 7 years. Therefore, that goes to my credit that cordiality is positively effective.
However, when I came to Lebanon, neither cordiality nor hostility worked! That was when I realized that my Brazilian friends were right about drawing a line or setting boundaries. You see, Brazilians are modest, pure, and of goodwill. But in Lebanon, people, in general, have a twisted and covert malice that they nurture and apply so astutely. My cordiality was taken for weakness or frailty of character, almost an abnormality. Simply because no one is like that. They are aloof, superficial, material, and motivated by what they can gain from one another. I discovered their malice and strategies the hard way. Fortunately, I did not fall prey to their warm accessibility and informality. They refused to accept that my culture was the polar opposite. In the sense that I am very British in my upbringing and not casual about everything. Little did they know that I could equally be firm because they underestimated my cordiality.
As I started defining boundaries with my neighbors, they became hostile. “Good riddance to bad rubbish”, the British may say. As I mirrored and reflected on their attitudes, they saw my hostility and ignored theirs. Their “selective targeting” led them to become offensive and violent. I stepped up their aggression, through a “tit for tat” attitude, expecting them to stop at a certain point. When there was no positivity in sight, I reported every case until I took them to Court.
Long story short, I learned the hard way that cultures do not bend to cordiality though cordiality can bend the stiffest minds. The Lebanese of Lebanon are a remnant of a violent and bitter civil War in a state without discipline or authority as evidenced on their streets and in their driving habits. I stupidly did not take the cue from their “street behavior” towards each other and in their driving habits. They only understand through cold-glass hostility and superiority (a sign of wealth and authority, in their perception), or through legal force to hold them in check. My legal retaliation was unprecedented. They never knew the written law until it was applied to them. I enforced legal undertakings from them, reparations, damages, etc. Because of their legal costs and the compensations, undertakings, and commitments, I am at peace. But my attitude has changed 360 degrees in this country!
If you ever see me smile or speak to anyone in the neighborhood streets, it is to peoples’ pets, refusing to acknowledge their owners whom I already consider inferior. It serves a double purpose: setting an example of how to acknowledge their pets and treat them (they are deplorable at that), and secondly, arousing their curiosity to speak to me, to give them advice regarding their pets which they are obliged to swallow since their 1st anticipated question will be, “What work do you do?” (To assess my financial status). I give them the short end of the stick that usually initiates a series of other personal questions, “I don’t discuss my work nor my personal life with anyone”. Full stop. End of story…and my article also. Thank you for your reading time.
Sammy RNAJ — sammy.rnaj.writer@gmail.com — WhatsApp +96170499352
