HOW I DEALT WITH PROTRACTED AGGRESSION
In my previous article, HOW TO DEAL WITH PROTRACTED AGGRESSION, I promised to provide my particular case as a practical example, with the lessons I learned about PAD (Passive-Aggressive Disorder). I have added a few safeguards to be considered. To refer to my previous article and obtain a complete picture, this is the Link:
https://medium.com/@sammy-rnaj/how-to-deal-with-protracted-aggression-fcc872cdd93f
In my article below, I find the conclusions more relevant to guide the reader than providing background details.
In 2017 I visited my aging mother abroad. She has her apartment in a block of 7 luxury flats. My brother and I each have his flat, with 2 flats uninhabited, and one family occupying the remaining two. Therefore, the only residents in the building are our family and the other one.
My mother had made it known over the years, that these residents were persistently provocative towards her. I was intent on resolving this issue decisively, to provide her the peace she needs at her age. I did observe a prevailing disorder, violations, and a lack of maintenance and repairs. I organized a meeting to address all issues. After all, we pay our monthly dues and have equal rights with the other co-proprietors. I wanted accountability.
Meeting me for the first time and were impressed that I was of a different background than theirs, they were unusually courteous (a PAD trait) and friendly. I reciprocated but maintained them at arm’s length realizing that we were incompatible. Amicable diplomacy was the best policy.
By 2018, after ensuring all repairs, restorations, and maintenance were done, it was time to appoint a Committee to maintain law and order in the building. I was elected as one of the 3 members and made it clear from the onset that my education and business experience impose that I handle all the building matters formally and professionally. In early 2019, there was a deficit in the accounts and I convened a meeting for justification. Compelled to reject further intangible expenses for lack of due process, I was isolated overnight and the janitors were officially informed to no longer take any instructions from me. I was surprised by this sudden informal procedure and hostility, which blocked all communication with me. They were legally at fault and there was some covert agenda. I called for a meeting to hand over officially and absolve myself from any eventuality. (I later discovered; that it was in connivance with the contractor handling the roof project).
They started with clandestine provocations such as cutting wires, blocking the elevator to our flats, stealing our electrical switches, destroying our entrances, etc. Unfamiliar with the local legal procedures, I consulted the City Council’s legal adviser. Familiar with similar situations on other properties, he feared an escalation and recommended I obtain a solicitor and start taking pictures and recording all violations. He pointed out that the municipality police are unauthorized to handle conflicts on private properties.
Observing a consistent pattern of hostilities in 2019, I resorted to legal Warning Letters for every offense through registered post. They refused to receive the mail to avoid appending their signatures. I scaled it up by dispatching them through a Court Bailiff with the warnings certified by a Notary Public. They were cornered. but never responded to them, and my lawyer had to resort to litigations.
In response, they self-confidently intensified their aggressions aware that the country was in a state of turmoil with strikes and demonstrations. The situation was further compounded by the Covid-19 lockdown. As soon as the Courts resumed, I demanded the disqualification of the Committee members and the appointment of a new one. Since there were no legal verdicts yet for their crimes, I could not disqualify the members, but I could request a reshuffle. To secure the majority votes, they lobbied the absent proprietors familiar to them only, to vote for them. They won the first battle and, in their shortsightedness, assumed that I would recoil and retreat. Little did they know my firm will and tenacity. I was now intent on an all-out war until I achieved victory.
In 2022 I arranged with the family that my mother stay with my brother in the country of his usual residence, away from all the stress and tension. Overconfident with the first victory and now alone with them in the building, they were determined to spitefully aggravate my daily life by blocking the standard services. I resorted to dismissing every janitor for not respecting his job description. When they requested payment, I requested official claims. When they refused, I refused to pay for the lack of services.
They took that personally as a challenge to their authority and egos and scaled up the aggressions not only on our properties but physically as well. Each time, I had a case file opened at the Gendarmerie (a police force attached to the armed forces in francophone countries). My patience reached zero tolerance when they ambushed my dog, beat her, and drove her out of the neighborhood. I brought the gendarmes in to interrogate all the witnesses and followed the file to Court personally to defend my case. I was fed up and intent on concluding close to 12 criminal cases over the past 4 years, against their family members. How do I obtain verdicts in sequence, when I don’t know for how long the judicial system will be operating on and off? Nor do I know what violence to expect from them from now until then. I have to hold them in check by slapping them with the consequences of their actions.
I decided to meet a judge known for her ruthless measures in criminal offenses. She was alarmed by the persistent flouting of their responsibilities and abuse of the law, and their undertakings to the Gendarmes. She advised my solicitor on the procedure to follow immediately before the courts resume, assuring us that all my cases will be handled in sequence by 2025 — regardless of socio-political events.
The inevitable outcome shall be:
1. A jail sentence.
2. A criminal record.
3. The dissolution of the Committee.
4. An official and indefinite ban on their family’s future membership.
5. Irrevocable legal undertakings binding them against any future repetition, stipulating the consequences.
6. Reimbursement for all expenses (including legal and other formalities), within a specific delay, or a specific interest charge will be applicable.
7. Compensation for defamation, stress, anxiety, private unrest, etc.
8. Failure to pay all amounts will authorize us to place one of their flats in auction to recover our monies.
The saddest part is that I will never get my dog back despite all my efforts to recover her!
Here’s blanket advice in any professional, domestic, or residential conflict:
· Listen intensely. Pretend you’re interested but ask no questions.
· Focus on reasoning, reactions, and opinions in the adversary’s narrations.
· Mirror and reflect on their approach in your replies.
· Evaluate their background: educational level, upbringing, exposure, values, etc.
· Identify their strengths, weaknesses, and fears to prepare your strategy.
· Seek legal advice regarding contentious issues to prepare your arsenal.
· When the Aggressor is of ill intent and aggressive, never accept arbitration or reconciliation.
They suffer from social adhesion or mental frailty.
Above, I have clarified the chronology of events and the legal approach taken to avoid reacting in the same manner and intensifying the violence and damages. I took intellectual control without overlooking a single offense. My previous article provides the indicators of PADs, the posture to take in confrontation, the conflict management principles, and how dialogue is best conducted.
Meanwhile, I have been informed that an anonymous and reliable report has been submitted to the Gendarmerie against the Committee President for narcotics, and simultaneously regarding his wife for operating a “Maison Close” (a sophisticated home for call-girls) related to narcotics. They are being interrogated by the authorities. Although I wish no one harm, I shall obtain the pertinent details as a last resort in “dethroning” them from the Committee.
Unfortunately, their rags-to-riches story is very ambiguous. Their poor education makes them knowledgeable in violence and ignorant of the law. Their background sets them in a mental framework whereby they apply street violence. Their motivation stems from an inferiority complex, ignorance, and fear. Their fear of the eventual consequences. Violence has never been instrumental in solving problems. Sadly, they shall have to learn the hard way.
To conclude, this long ordeal taught me the following:
1. Being reserved with new acquaintances is safer than being sorry later.
2. Setting boundaries from the onset exposes the true nature of people.
3. Ignorance leads to fear, apprehension, and over-defensiveness.
4. Like someone said about complexes, “The human head is like a beautiful apple on the outside, you have to cut it open and its rotten core is exposed!” You can’t judge by appearances.
5. Never regret enforcing the law, it may be slow and long, but it will inevitably take its course. Its decisions are final and conclusive. Every procedure is legal evidence in the chronology of events.
You may be going through a worse situation than this example. I can empathize with you. By the time you finish reading this article, you will certainly find a bullet of inspiration. I would love to hear from you in the comments on my Medium page. Your comments inspire me to write more on particular subjects.
Best!
Sammy RNAJ
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