WHAT A FAMILY!
I was always left aghast when I heard certain people say they would rather be orphans than have a family like theirs, Obviously, not their own offspring, but the families they come from. It was inconceivable for someone like me who comes from a background and tradition where we say that “without a family, one freezes!”. I related the clash more to culture than a fact of life.
I had to enter into life, to begin realizing that the worst and most hurtful abuses come from those we trust most and who are closest to us, our direct family. I remember my father often sighing and repeating an old adage that went like this, “the worst catastrophes come from the closest relatives!” I refused to believe it until I witnessed all that he had to go through as a result of his undivided love and concern for his own family.
Today, at an advanced age, I have sadly and slowly discovered the harsh truth through the only 2 surviving members of my family, my mother, and brother. I hasten to add that they were the worst members all along through their connivance, ruse, and character similarities. I personally took precautions after suffering underhanded financial and social blows from my brother some time ago. But my mother? God forbids! I swore by her because she falsely preached the highest moral standards, although many a time she manifested the exact opposite. Always puzzled by the disparity between her actions and her words, I preferred believing that it was a result of her circumstances, or age-related, by being more cautious and defensive.
Recently, as their pressures mounted over me, to an unbearable high, I decided to test them both. I realized that my late father used the adage and added, “There is a lot of wisdom in common adages.” Indeed, there is! He repeated it so often to avoid elaborating on his experiences. It was his ‘release valve’. The outcome of my tests proved that they would stop at nothing to take advantage of me, although my situation is not as comfortable as theirs. But because I am loving and forgiving, they can use and abuse me continuously. Except recently, they have been intensifying the dose without any respite. They confidently believed that I am so predictable, that with my family I will keep forgiving them as I have always done despite previous abuses. Except that in the past few years, their abuses have been intensifying.
This time around, determined to think of myself and my closest loved ones, I decided to put my foot down and kick the dust at them. In other words, threaten them with legal action and claimed damages, for 2 frauds they recently committed against me. My lawyers confirmed that with the evidence I have, my cases are solid to charge them with. This was the ultimate test. I lurched at them and declared my intentions. Hell broke loose! The last time I checked, Satan and his cronies were not there! They must be with them. This finalized my ultimate and determining decision to sever all links and attachments with them.
For the first time in my life, I felt lost, isolated, and alone. Somewhat disoriented and confused. I consulted dear friends to ascertain whether their smokescreen abuses and false accusations against me warranted such an obstinate decision. When I exposed the gory circumstances, I clearly was freed from any guilt. But the labels exposed regarding my family’s character prompted me to embark on intensive research.
I established that they are both Narcissistic, for a fact. My mother’s case is sadly compounded with BPD (borderline personality disorder). He is compounded with acute Psychopathy bordering on Bipolarity. It couldn’t get more complicated! To reassure myself, I consulted with 2 friends in the field. My answer was affirmative to their battery of puzzling questions. Their advice was that I break all links and focus for the remainder of my days on restructuring my life forward. — even if they were ever to apologize or attempt to pacify me one way or another. I was warned that being adamant with them may rather make them “go for the jugular!” (figuratively). It would be best to sever the links once and for all. After all, I gave more of myself to that relationship, than they ever contributed in return — to the extent of depleting my resources and productive energies.
Now, a few months ahead, I found myself writing the following this morning. As a Converted Catholic, I appeal to all non-Catholics to excuse me for my spontaneous intimacy):
“When ostracized, vilified, and rejected by my family, my world was crushed. I denied this degeneration longer than I could bear, yet kept nourishing it more generously of myself and my life. Renouncing every one of my rights. When I decided to test the waters and account for my selflessness, evil callously surfaced in all its ugliness, revealing an ingrown festering discharge and origins.
When I severed this gangrenous wound, I chose my Holy Family as my substitute. This made me grow stronger in my Faith, revealing past truths to me.
My recent adoption was but a renewal of rooted bonds with my original Family, rediscovering age-old attachments and loyalties. Never-failing, ever-loyal, growing every day in blissful trust and fulfillment. Looking forward in earnestness to every new day until we are reunited in fulfillment. Strengthening me daily through minute revelations/miracles of encouragement.
My wounds have healed and disappeared ever so quickly. The thick fog of deception, anger, and retribution has dissipated and disappeared. I have nothing left but empathy for their recycled generational self-curse. Their decline pitifully unfolds before me. I am devoid of warmth and indifferent. Free, at last!
I feel the limitless love from my Family that only grows reciprocally and unconditionally with each passing day. It reinforces me to give so much, more generously and abundantly. Will I ever outdo them in their Love and manifestations of goodness and generosity? Nevertheless, they have provided me with the will to live longer and to give more with a fulfilling purpose for my Life.
If only I could meet JOB (of the Old Testament) to console him and reassure him that I have already followed every step of his arduous trajectory!”
Sammy RNAJ — sammy.rnaj.writer@gmail.com
